this post is dedicated to those who had lost their grandparents or haven't, to Samantha Ong who asked me to post something after being missing for some time and also those who reads my blog for their very 1st time. And by the way, I'm doing this in a cyber cafe.

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Just the other day, while i was waiting for my mom at the Teluk Gadong KTM Station, a car came and parked just right in front of me and out came a grandfather carrying his grandchild giving him a ride on his back while showing him the train station. And suddenly out of nowhere, my heart sank into a deep sadness when i looked at the child's face and i could feel his happiness and the joy of he's grandfather was even greater. And for that, i almost did something i hadn't do for a very long time, cry.

Honestly, i do miss my grandfather.

I could still remember the 1st time he thought me to ride the bicycle. Truthfully, i wasn't a brave kid. I couldn't even handle a tricycle and i kept thinking i was gonna fall off and break my skull but he was always there to hold me and whenever i fall, he would pick me up. There's this one time, i bust my knee when i fell and i was bleeding all over. I remembered his worried face and he quickly gave me a piggyback home and washed my wound. Hah! i was practically a cry-baby then, the pain was excruciating but still the piggyback was one of the sweetest moment i could still remember.

Okay, to all those who pictured me as someone who is quiet and angelic when i was young, please, please take back your perception of me. I wasn't an angelic little boy. I'm good at analysing the weaknesses of people and use it to my advantage and i do that most of the time to my grandfather. Hmmm, you can say that I'm a mischievous little rascal and I'm always up to no good. And my house has Mr Rotan and his little family of sticks to keep me behind bars. Grandfathers are old, and they're obviously weak. So whenever I'm up to no good, i'll always run upstairs to seek refuge because i know he won't come up. And i always kidnap Mr Rotan's family as hostage to keep me from danger. Yeah, i think i was pretty smart when i was young. Damn, i miss kena rotan-ing. *sobs*

My grandfather always goes for a morning walk and he will always wake me up to teman him. And most of the time, i got lazy and tired and he'll just carry me back home. Sometimes we would even go for bah kut teh together and he will introduce me to all his friends. His friends were mostly unpleasant, i always get pinched whenever i met them but he'll just give me a sweet smile and put his hand on me.

I miss plucking his janggut hair, i miss smelling his smoky breath, i miss getting horsie rides on his laps, i miss riding behind his bicycle, i miss my piggyback rides, i miss the rotans on my backside, i miss sitting on his grandfather chair, i miss eating bah kut teh with him, i miss the morning walks, i miss his sweet smile, i miss HIM. And for all that he had done for me, i didn't even shed a single tear during his death, what kind of grandchild am I. I was his favourite and i wasn't even sad, i didn't cry. I was emotionless. And till now, i regretted at what i didn't do and now, i don't have the chance to cry for him anymore.

Well, if you still have your grandparents around, you should cherish them always. You should cry for them, love them and be with them till the pass on. I had that chance and i blew it and i don't think you want to waste it when your time comes. I was the last person my grandfather saw when he died, just right after i left. I saw his tears, the only tears i saw him shed throughout my life and its not because that he's gonna die, but tears that indicates happiness for the last people that he saw was he's favourite grandchild and he's 2 siblings by the bed holding his hands and calling out his name.

I MISS MY GRANDFATHER.